Women's Media Nation | Social, political, and cultural issues relating to women

How to Stand Up to the Inevitable Mean Girl

posted by ChickSpeak
Thursday, July 29, 2010 at 2:38pm CDT

The wrath of a downright mean girl is not easily avoided. Although you may be tempted to run, there’s no need to hide. You possess the power to rise above the unnecessary vindictiveness of a mean girl.

Recent violence in schools among girls has brought nationwide attention to a mean girl epidemic. As childish as it may seem, cruel girls you may have encountered when you were younger often times grow up to become mean women.

“It is certainly true that some overcome their bad girl images and lose that poisonous attitude, others will become the perpetrators at work,” Gabriela Cora, M.D., of Psychology Today, said. A mean girl might never move on from her teenage mentality and she could still try to stand in your way even though high school is over.

Whether it’s at school, at work, or in your social circle, encountering a mean girl at one point or another is unfortunately inevitable. She might seem scary at first, but not to fear; you possess the power to rise above cruelty from fellow females.

Mean girls use many tactics to intimidate their peers. Maybe she starts a nasty rumor about you. Maybe she goes out of her way to put you down. Whatever the means, her ultimate goal is to make you feel small. When targeted in such a way, it’s natural to start to feel insignificant and question your own self worth.

But, instead of questioning yourself, focus your attention on figuring out her motives. Although it might be hard to recognize at first, underneath the hard exterior of a mean girl lies a multitude of insecurities that lead her to act the way she does.

In the highly competitive world we live in, we often compare ourselves to those around us. If you’ve become a victim of a mean girl, most likely she knows you have something she doesn’t. Whether you can see it or not, she sees your fabulousness as a threat to her. If she feels like you have an advantage over her, she could be more likely to lash out at you. “If women take things too personally when challenged or criticized, they are prone to overreaction. When that happens, there’s trouble,” Peggy Clause of the New York Times said.

For a mean girl, being in the spotlight is important. If you’re getting more attention than she is, her jealously will expose itself in a variety of malicious ways. She may seem like a force to be reckoned with, but it’s all a facade. Her jealousy towards you stems from her inner unhappiness. Feeble attempts at hurting you illustrate her desperation to feel better about herself. You possess a strength and grace that a mean girl does not. Those profound qualities will keep you from sinking to her pathetic level.

As tough as us chicks undoubtedly are, we are all prone to having hurt feelings. It can be incredibly hard to prevent intentional cruelty from making you upset. You have every right to feel offended by the mean girl’s behavior. But, you’re better than her childish mind games. If her actions are really bringing you down, confront her in a calm and sophisticated manner. Demonstrating that you’re not afraid to have a straightforward conversation with her could solve the issue.

But unfortunately, sometimes mean girls are irrational. Even if you have tried to talk out the problem, her aggression towards you may not cease. This can be discouraging, but she still won’t get the better of you.

Avoid using the same spiteful tactics that she does. Although it might be tempting to vent to your friends about the situation, by engaging in gossip you could start to look like a mean girl yourself, which is clearly not the case. Do something more powerful than gossiping or name-calling; kill her with kindness and keep your head up high.

Secretly you might be insulted by a mean girl’s harsh gestures, but to her and the rest of the world, do your best to radiate as much confidence as you can. Showing how unaffected you are by a mean girl’s immature behavior will send her a powerful message. When she realizes that her meanness is causing you no damage, ultimately it will prove what she knew all along; you’re stronger than she is.

At the end of the day, remind yourself that her cattiness has no reflection on who you are. Stand your ground and remember that she might be mean, but you are beautiful and self-assured. As much as she’d like to, a mean girl will never be able to take that away from you.

Sarah Friedman is a sophomore at Northeastern University, studying Journalism. Mean Girls is one of her favorite movies, and real life ‘Plastics’ don’t scare her.